Years ago I met Stephany who I happen to over hear talking about a love story. She made it clear that this was a story that would make everyone cry. She even cried as she spoke about it. Describing it to bebeautiful wound that would never exactly heal. She met Carl her middle school sweet heart very young. 11-12 years old. Silly kids. Hanging out not even knowing who exactly they were about to become to each other, described them as bitter sweet. The oddest part about this story was that she asked me to write it in first person as if it was my own. This was going to be challenging to write- but if I really love what I do than I can do it. She said that every girl, every woman deserved to expereince such a beautiful story as this one. So I combed through her emotions and observed her facial expressions & her tone of voice & how she giggled & smirked and smiled through out the very end. & with tears streaming down my own eyes I finally understood why she had such a bizarre request.
I remember the first time I met him. He was wild, crazy and could never exactly stay still. Hanging from the monkey bars upside down, I looked at him like he was absolutely nuts- but would run over to watch him swing every time I saw him on one of those things. Through out middle school we each played hard to get until we found each other one day at the park. I was there, just listening to my cd player, reflecting on my not so perfect life. He just so happen to be there & walked up to me! I tried everything in my power not to choke on words. I was nervous. He was sweet, gentle and staring at me like I had 3 fucking heads. Asking me why I’m here alone? and shouldn’t I be home? Well, who the hell was this kid. I didn’t listen to my parents, I surely wasn’t going to listen to him. Little did I know. Who this little boy asking me these questions was about to become. Carl, I’ll admit it. You stole my heart the moment I found out we shared the same birthday together. I remember he used to skate rings around me trying to figure me out & I would follow him with my eyes while he showed off on his bike & we would just be two kids, in what we felt was love. We spent the rest of our days together up until one day he told me he had to move. I was going to miss him dearly, his absence would hurt me, but were just kids & well he has to go where he must. Most of all, I knew I was going to miss
the nights he walked me home, He always got grounded because of me & no matter how much trouble he got into, he always walked me home.
I didn’t want him to leave, but he said he would be back again to visit.5th grades summer ended and began-6th-which finished into 7th grade. & so began 8th- And there he was again. There was carl. There was no stopping this boy from making sure he went to see me & So if he couldn’t find away every time he was visiting he would rollerblade 3 miles to my house & 3 miles back to where he was staying. No matter how tired he was, They had no concept of time. None. Time was the way they felt about each other. Young love, its so beautiful right? We had done so many wild things together. Breaking into summer houses to get onto beach, trespassing on old military barricks-running from the cops & never getting caught.I forgot to mention he would steal car emblems and give them to me as trophy gifts- it was kinda cute. We partied, We laughed, We loved, We watched each other grow up, He was the first one to call me after my best friend passed away & probably was the best person to break the news to me.
Carl was my everything. He was my rock, My best friend, My heart, My First Everything. & Over the course of years that we built our little empire, every fairy tale has some kind of ending. It wasn’t until we were 20 years old that we eventually had to go our separate ways. Carl changed my life forever, I still till this day wear his ring. It reminds me of a peace that I know I will never find again. Loving someone enough to leave them in order for them to grow had been the best and yet the hardest decision i’d ever have to make. I loved him so greatly. He still probably has no clue till this day that it never has exactly changed. But that when you love someone, Especially your first everything.. you love them with no boundaries, no restrictions, You WILL do what is best for them on matter how much pain you may have to go though in the process. When you truly love someone. Someone like Carl. You love them enough to let them go..so they can grow.. and find themselves, because there was life outside of me- and I wanted that for him. I loved him. I know that I will never love someone as much as I still will love him. I know that with out a doubt that little boy who has now become a wonderful man.. will always love me just as much. Stephany finished this story with something I don’t believe I could replicate. So With permission I recorded her words exactly. ” As much as it hurt me to let go of his hand,
I still was holding onto it every single time I wore that ring. Through that ring he stayed with me even during the nights I missed him the most. He was always there. I missed him everyday. (Stephany paused to gather herself, The tears broke into the story & I finally could hear and feel her heart ache. I cried too, that how deep this was) I wanted more for him. More than what I was… I wanted him to live… To find love again, To experience life and seek out all of his adventures that he always wanted to do yet placed on hold to love me. I let him go because I loved him & I knew that oneday he would thank me. (her hands trembled) As she wiped the memories that fell from her eyes. ( by that time I was an absolutely bawling mess, I mean come one how do you keep a straight face. )& so I will close with this. You never forget you first. She looked at me sa
id, No matter where they ended up in life. All she wanted to do was help him become a better man. She wanted nothing but the best for him. She wanted him to find love more than anything, A healthy love, A love that was as effortless as theres. He came into her life at the most crucial time, leaving imprints of his heart all over her mind, body & soul. There is nothing in the world that could take away who he is to her. Life doesn’t always work out the way we would like it to. Stephany gave up her hopes and dreams with carl so that he could have more than just who she was. So maybe next life time- “as for now I know he is being the best man that I always wanted him to be.. forever & ever.”